you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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