I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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