just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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