DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
