Having a random hookup so left but love u
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize