Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
