He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize