Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
