i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
