Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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