I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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