I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
