Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
