Do you still have your period?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
