yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
never play flip cup with pint glasses
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We named our party play list daddy issues
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
