When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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