I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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