hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
