Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
do nipples grow back?
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