There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
