If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
