I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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