I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
