I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
