Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
