Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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