roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize