Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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