i think my tv is drunk
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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