i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm always down for nudity.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
