he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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