i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
