in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I looked at my own cervix.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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