I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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