Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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