i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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