my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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