So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
false alarm, still single
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