y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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