Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
