sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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