My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
