Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
