Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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