I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
