I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
