I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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