and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
