Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
