Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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