I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
