That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
