So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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