Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
