Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
