Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
