Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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