I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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