New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
