how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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