Have you finally orgasmed yet?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize