I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
