eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
