i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
