We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
