like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
