it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
